Voice of the past

So I was digging through some old files, and I stumbled across some poetry of mine that I haven't read in ages. I love that - it's as though the writing belongs to someone else, and this is my first time ever having read it. Anyway, here are a few snippets from a previous life of mine, a life I remember clearly and yet seems so distant to me now.

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There's the disgustingly romantic:

I am yours and I am mine
Where you are dark and dark is light.
I choke on words I keep inside,
Your face a poem I’ve yet to write...
Who could ever be so vain
To dare to speak aloud your name,
To say those words to make you stay
When your heart tells you to fly away.
I won’t be the one to drown your will,
To change your mind and break the deal,
To act according to what I feel
When I’ve not determined just what is real.
I’ve miles to go before I’m through -
With you to gain, nothing to lose -
I’ll search the world if I have to,
To find the words to describe you.



Dazed by what I can’t believe-
A fusion of sweet energy-
Lost is logical reasoning,
While you are as near as you are to me.
Stowed away are all reservations
And thoughts of recent revelations,
As I marvel at the constellations
And forget to ponder our destination.
As star explode and worlds collide,
I kiss the moon, embrace the sky,
And soar across that dividing line
Into what once was yours but now is mine.
A piece of heaven to revel in,
A tangled mesh of skin on skin
In a flash of time when I can’t determine
Just where I end and you begin.
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The bitter and jaded:

With washed-up dreams and strangled screams—
I am torn between rage and an epiphany--
all this hot air suffocating me, and
I accept that I have been beaten.
I see that I am sliced up and twice fucked,
worn out and listless and
I think that I missed this when I let my ears fold,
when a sweet, salty kiss made my eyes close,
and I bought into all those lies that were sold
at the bestseller rate for those sociophobes
who can’t get a date-just sit home and masturbate,
wishing the world would implode to end their heartache.
Now, somewhere in my head, amidst all the regrets,
all the what-ifs, should-haves, and words I never said,
lies the notion of Romance as it has fallen dead,
taken with it the chance of repeating this dance
of the one-legged fool who gave in to circumstance.
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The angry political:

The sun rears her head
And we are all living dead,
Waking to a world of fear and dread,
Lamenting lost youth while tumors grow in our heads,
Here in the land of the free and over-fed.
So let’s give a hand to the man with a plan,
Who smiles and waves at his flag-toting fans,
Slaps his bible and takes a stand,
While jerking off with his free hand.
Glory, hallelujah! The world is saved!
The forests burned and the fields all paved!
The children are dead and their murderers reign
But the sun goes on rising just like yesterday.
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The mildly amusing:

"Cinderella's Fashionable Tardiness"

So I’m late for the ball cuz the tire went flat,
but I'd never tell Prince Charming that;
that guy don’t know what the magic mirror shows,
which is I've got me a run in my pantyhose,
and yes, my friends - they're all long gone,
lured away by the Pied Piper’s song,
to a crystal castle overlooking the sea,
far, far away and there's no vacancy,
but now and then they send a postcard to me,
just to remind me of all that I'm missing,
so I’ll stick out my thumb and catch me a ride,
cuz I hear life’s better on the other side,
and soon I’ll be dancing with the man of my dreams,
and we’ll see if everafter's all it’s cracked up to be.
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And a bit of haiku:

Kisses taste sweeter
When there is a foreseen end
To receiving them.

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So, anyway....

5,357 miles

Happy Birthday. I love you.

Sprinklers

Have you ever seen some sprinklers going and you’re suddenly compelled to run through them – although you are, in fact, well beyond the age of ten? You completely let loose and dance through the spray, all the while getting soaked from head to toe. You feel exhilarated and alive, and suddenly the world no longer exists, and you don’t think for a second about where you’re supposed to be at that moment, or what you have to do when you get there, or how uncomfortable you’ll be when you inevitably have to return to your car and sit in wet underwear. Nothing else matters but this very moment. You may even pause for a moment, as the water showers down on you, and realize that you are in fact….happy.

Yeah, that’s kinda what it feels like.

Thoughts for the Week

1) Sometimes it's better to just SHUT THE HELL UP.

2) I think that everybody, every now and then, needs to know that they're doing ok. We all bust our butts in different ways on a daily basis, and sometimes you really need someone to pull you aside and tell you how great you are. Not even great, actually - just...fine.

3) Comfort zones are highly underrated.

4) One of the most frustrating things to me in life is trying to translate my thoughts into spoken words. It will make perfect sense in my mind, then I'll speak, and I'll sound like something between Dr. Seuss and Yoda. This kills me.

5) Kerouac said that life is a "great, strange dream." With that in mind, I sometimes want to do something crazy just to test whether I really am here or if I'm just dreaming. Just to see what would happen. Like tear down the street with no clothes on, or go onto the Muni when everyone is quiet and avoiding eye contact, and just scream, or start dancing and singing. In San Fran, it's fairly common to see someone standing on a street corner, shouting out to those who are streaming past with their heads down. You know the guy I'm talking about - the one who everyone tries to ignore as he's either belting out a Stevie Wonder song at the top of his lungs, or calling out to specific individuals and laughing loudly at his own jokes. I think to myself that that guy has slipped away from what the rest of us would call "reality" and lives in his own. Yeah, that guy has probably gone completely mad, but I'm willing to believe that in some respects he's probably a helluva lot happier than a lot of us.

6) “People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.” - Jim Morrison

7) What a difference a day makes.