heartsick crazy talk

I just finished talking to my mom and my heart fractured a little as we talked about our family friend who has recently been diagnosed with cancer and may not be with us for too much longer. She's just the sweetest person, and she's so amazingly upbeat about it all - despite all she's going through. Every day she takes a pill that costs $1000 - and yes, I mean the pills are $1000 EACH. Imagine if you dropped one down the sink drain - for $1000 a pill, you'd be breaking out the tools and tearing that bitch apart. Our dear, sweet friend is popping $1000 pills daily and taking chemo and getting poked and prodded and put in and out of the hospital - and despite the nightmare of it all, she's being such an amazing soldier - just further testament to what an incredible person she is. My heart is so broken for her and her sweet family.

Talking about all that was making me just really miss my family and want to be closer to them. I mentioned to Mom - very hesitatingly, mind you - that Mark and John and I had been discussing over dinner the other night that there is a chance we all could end up in - gulp - Salt Lake again someday. Her response: "Ya - HOOOOOOOO!!!" I think she'd be cool with it.

It could be just my rapidly progressing insanity combined with this perpetual state of sleep deprivation I'm in, but at the moment I actually kinda believe it. It wouldn't be for years from now - seriously, I just moved and am not looking to start fresh yet again so soon - but could be in the long term plan. It did kind of get to me when a couple of weeks ago the boys and my parents were all in SLC with Dennis and his whole crazy brood, and I was the only one not there. Poor Mom got to deal with me blubbering on the phone to her, but that's nothing new.

Anyway, just feeling extremely grateful to have a family I not only love, but actually kinda like, too - and I feel like I'm missing opportunities to enjoy them more, particularly Dennis's kids who are just so amazing. I haven't even met Gracie yet, and she'll be turning one in a couple of months.

Two of my fantabulous nieces who can't help but be natural badasses:



I do love SF at this stage of my life - not really feeling like home yet, but we're getting used to each other, and it's been a perfect healing place for me. I got a view of the city from across the bay today and it took my breath away. I mean, seriously, it's ridiculous how picturesque this city is. I wouldn't be opposed to spending maybe 4-5 years here then possibly moving on at that point, and SLC is just a thought. When you discount all the psycho-mormons, it's actually not a bad place. If there's one thing I've learned though, it's that you can't really plan for anything too far in advance. I suppose you never know what life is going to bring; anything could happen.

Like Mom said on the phone tonight: "What is life, anyway? It's a damn mystery, that's what it is."

I really like her.